


Star Wars Episode 8.5: Kylo Ren and the Island of Ahch-To

by space_dad_on_ice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Overdramatic Kylo Ren, Screenplay/Script Format, Sonnets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:39:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_dad_on_ice/pseuds/space_dad_on_ice
Summary: An original play, written as a joke.





	Star Wars Episode 8.5: Kylo Ren and the Island of Ahch-To

Star Wars Episode 8.5: Kylo Ren and the Island of Ahch-To  
Written and Directed by space_dad_on_ice  
With help from A. P. and E. N.  
Dramatis Personae:  
Narrator  
Kylo Ren  
Porg

Act I  
Narrator: Our story begins on the ancient stones of the island. Kylo Ren is distressed, and he has come here in search of his almost-girlfriend, Rey.  
(Enter Kylo Ren in a fit of overdramatic rage)  
Kylo Ren: Oh suffering space slugs!  
(Kylo Ren kicks a bush and trips. He then throws himself onto a rock and puts the back of his hand to his forehead)  
Kylo Ren: Oh to be scorned as I have! That vile temptress!  
(His expression softens)  
Kylo Ren: To love her is to die, and I accept my fate willingly.  
(Enter Porg)  
Porg: Chirping noises (Note: The actor must actually say the words “chirping noises”)  
Kylo Ren: Till death do us part.  
(He collapses on the rock dramatically and sighs. Hold for about 15 seconds)  
Porg: Chirping noises  
Kylo Ren: You’re right  
(He stands up sharply)  
Kylo Ren: Oh, for shame, why does my heart betray me this way?  
Porg: Insistent chirping noises  
(Kylo Ren collapses back onto the rock)  
Kylo Ren: Once upon a moonlit night,  
I stood without a shirt.  
My lady came to me, in a Force Skype Call,  
I thought it was love at first sight.  
Oh woe is me, such a fool I was!  
To think she cared for me the same.  
Though our hands met,  
It was never to be.  
My lady ran away from me.  
My lovely Rey, my shining star  
The girl who gave me my scar  
I tried my best, I really did, but alas  
The lady scorned my love’s light,  
And left me alone that night.  
End of Act I

Intermission

Act II  
Narrator: It is now very late at night. Kylo Ren is still weeping over his crush. The porg has resigned itself to sitting sadly on the rock next to him.  
Kylo Ren(Tearfully): Oh sweet porg, you are the only one who understands me.  
(He caresses the porg softly)  
Porg: Chirping noises  
Kylo Ren: Rey, you loved me once, I think. A long time ago. (He stands) Poor, poor heart. (He begins pacing) We touched hands once. How is that not love?  
(Porg rolls eyes)  
Kylo Ren: Force choking, fighting, torturing. She rejected my flirting.  
(He sits back down on the rock with a sigh)  
Porg: Sad violin music  
Kylo Ren: I cannot remain here, it hurts too much.  
(He turns to audience)  
Kylo Ren: My sadness is apparent, I’ve shown it through and through. Be sure your lady knows your love, lest she bid you adieu.  
Porg: Sad chirping noises  
Kylo Ren: Tonight I sit alone, my love far away  
She loved me, or so I thought.  
My affections were all for nought.  
This lonely sonnet, the price I pay  
For the scavenger who led me astray.  
This place holds no more for me,  
She’s gone, now I see.  
The lonely poet upon the rock  
Hath no more that his lonely mind.  
Not the woman he came here to find.  
She is lost among the stars,  
Without a single thought my way.  
Oh lonely heart of mine,  
How fitting a sonnet is the final line.

Fin


End file.
